Wednesday, December 19, 2012

How should couples handle disputes?


I am an Indian .I and my husband had a fight which was started by my husband .I asked an apology from my husband as he was responsible for the fight ( I wasn't agrresive at this time ) my husband refused to apologise and all the alders of our family were very angry at me that how can I ask such a thing from my husband as he is my mijazi khuda. ( some one in front of whom I should bow my head after Allah). Please advice me was I wrong to ask him an apology and is there anything like mijazi khuda .


While it is true that a wife should obey her husband, only Allah has the right to claim unconditional obedience. Islam, therefore, teaches us to recognize right as right and wrong as wrong. The prophet (peace be upon him) said, "No one has the right to be obeyed in disobedience to the Creator." In other words, if your husband is wrong, he has to apologize even as you need to do so if you do wrong.
This is the lesson we learn from the Prophet (peace be upon him) as he never demanded that his wives submit to him unconditionally. Thus, we learn that once when he had an argument with Aishah, his beloved wife, he suggested that they would have someone else to listen to the issue as an arbitrator. He offered her the chance to choose the person. When she insisted, he chooses, he mentioned a few names, all of which she rejected, and finally when he suggested the name of her father, Abu Bakr, she agreed hoping that he would take her side. This incident shows that the Prophet in spite of being a prophet did not think that he ought to be obeyed unconditionally by his wife. He also wanted to show to his community that neither husband nor husband should think they are perfect.

Allah and His Prophet teach us to recognize our faults. The caliph Umar said, "The best gift anyone can give me is to point out my faults to me." So, husband and wife are to serve as true mirrors helping each other to improve; neither one should think of himself or herself as perfect. Even the Prophet never thought of himself in this way. So, for anyone to suggest that husband should not be corrected if he does wrong and that a wife's duty is to obey is wholly un-Islam. It is paganism that Islam came to be replaced.

Therefore, there is no room in Islam to adhere to this false belief that a husband is a majazi khuda or a kind of divine being to be obeyed unconditionally.

Before concluding this answer, I would suggest that both of you should try to settle this dispute amicably. The best approach is for both of you to be humble before Allah and ask forgiveness of Allah and of each other and pray to Allah,

"Our Lord, grant us true joy in our spouses and children and make us role models for the God-fearing."

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