As-salamu `alaykum. Dear brothers and sisters, I'm a practicing Muslim lady; I dedicate my all free time in learning religion trying to understand it better and share knowledge with others. I'm a married woman, full covered, living within laws. I can say this makes us real problems in our marriage. I'm giving my best to be kind with his mother and father but it seems they are worse every day. They always have some caprices; they affect our every decision; they enter our bedroom without knocking, messing in my cooking, cleaning, and all aspects of life. One time, I couldn't stand anymore, and I complained to my husband. I said your mom did that and that, can you ask her to have little more consideration? My husband got so angry and hit me. It wasn't painful, but I felt humiliated. I can say it was painful for my personality. I went to another room crying and after some time he came and said it was necessary, I need to learn my limits. My husband finished Islamic university in Cairo but I think this time his knowledge in Islam failed. I believe this wasn't a reason for hitting me. Can you, please, tell me reasons where it is approved for my husband to hit me? I would like to hear some examples. I know there need be first dialogue and separation and at the end hitting. But, which situations lead to hitting? When can dialogue fail?
Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear sister, thank you for trusting us and for your question. First we implore Allah Almighty to relieve your suffering and grant you ease in all your matters.
As for you problem, you are advised to be kind to your husband's parents. In case of wrongdoings, you could point out your view kindly and wisely. Beating one's spouse is contrary to the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states,
Hitting one’s spouse is contrary to the Sunnah or the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). His beloved wife `A’sihah was narrated to have said, “The Prophet never hit anyone, a male or female, a servant or anyone else, for that matter.”
The Prophet himself was also narrated to have said, “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Sunan Ibn Majah from Ibn 'Abbas)
Although you should respect your husband’s parents as you would respect your own parents, and treat them kindly, you are not to justify the wrong they do. You have the right to point it out to them. However, you should do it gently and never put them down.
You need to be creative; ask yourself: is there a gentler way of dealing with the issue without creating ill-feeling and malice?
Allah Almighty knows best.